Where’s Mommy’s Prozac?

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Where’s Mommy’s Prozac?

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Eight years ago today at approximately 8:15 a.m. my Dad passed away after a six month battle with mesotheloma (cancer in the lungs caused by asbestos exposure). He went into the hospital in October 2001 because he was exhausted and having problems breathing. After draining 2 liters (imagine a 2 liter of soda) out of his lungs, his doctors said he needed a biopsy, saying it was a very simple procedure that would take about an hour. The next day my Mom & I sat in the waiting room for over four hours when the doctor came out and said it was cancer. I tried to be pretty optimistic at the time… I mean people *do* get chemo/radiation for lung cancer and survive. It wasn’t until a few days later that we learned that there is no treatment for this type of cancer. It is terminal. His doctor said he had about six months to live.

The next six months were absolute hell, as I watched my Dad, who was always a big guy and as strong as an ox waste away to nothing. At the very end, he weighed about as much as my 12 year old daughter. Nobody should have to go through seeing a loved one suffer like that. There were many days towards the end that he would take a breath and then wouldn’t take another one for about a minute later. My mom (with help from us kids) helped take care of him at home until about a week before he died. It was our intention to let him die at home, but it all got to be too much. He needed way too much care than we could give him, so we decided to move him into a hospice facility less than a mile away from my parent’s home. It was so sad the day the ambulance came to pick him up to transport him there - not for him because he was totally out of it from all of the pain meds and didn’t know what was going on at all - but for us, because we knew he was leaving home for good and would never be back.

At the hospice facility, which was also a nursing home, my Mom went and sat with him every day, along with my sister who gave her a break now and then. I would come in the evenings after I got off of work. When I got there the Saturday before he died, he was out of it - it was like he was in a coma - he was breathing and everything, but he didn’t respond to anything. The next day, I took the kids with me and he seemed to be a little more lucid. He looked at me and smiled and said “I know who you are! You’re Jennifer! It was like he was trying to figure out for awhile who I was and he finally figured it out. He knew who my kids were that day, too, which was nice. It was like he got a second wind or something.

The next morning (Monday), my sister called me while I was getting ready for work and told me that I needed to get up to the nursing home. She said Dad didn’t have much longer. The hospice nurse had called my Mom that morning and said it wouldn’t be long. My sister told me to hurry, but not to hurry at the same time because it was pouring down rain that day.

I got to the nursing home as fast as I could because I wanted to see Dad before he died. I pulled into the parking lot and whipped into a parking space and jumped out of the car and ran to the doors. Something stopped me dead in my tracks, though. It was a funeral home van sitting out in front of the front doors. I thought to myself… “They don’t call funeral home vans when people are dying. They call them after they die.” I got to the room and my sister came up and hugged me and said he had been gone for about 30 minutes. The funeral home guy was sitting quietly off to the side. I went over to his bed and they had the blankets pulled up tight and tucked around his shoulders. I always thought I would be afraid of dead people, but when it comes to a member of your own family, you don’t feel that way. I gently kissed his forehead and said “Goodbye, Daddy.”

We all stayed for about another 15 minutes. The funeral home director told us to take all of the time that we needed. It felt weird leaving and leaving my Dad there knowing he was going to be taken to the funeral home, but there was nothing else we could do. I got in my car to go to my mom’s and it wa then that I started crying. I held myself together until I realized that I was going to my “Mom’s” house, not my “Mom & Dad’s” house.

The rest of the day was a blur - all of the funeral arrangements had been made, but we still needed to go to the funeral home and pick out his urn and the flowers, etc. We then went back to my Mom’s and picked out pictures to post on the boards at his service. After a while my parents’ pastor arrived, along with my uncle and we started talking about his service and things we wanted him to say. We laughed at some of the stories my uncle told about my Dad when they were growing up.

I will be walking around today with a lump in my throat and thinking about my Dad. Like I said in the title of my post, I can’t believe it’s been 6 years. In some ways it seems like yesterday, especially when I sit here and think about it.

Here’s the color (California Raspberry) gracing my fingers and piggy-toes:

So yesterday I had a mani/pedi and tonight I’m scheduled for a massage. I am just livin’ the life of a princess the last few days The pampering and the sun shining have done absolute WONDERS for my mood and my state of mind.

Today, it’s back to the old salt mines, but at least I have a view out the windows from my cubicle and can see the sun and the beautiful day. If the Cardinals were playing today, I could actually see the game if I wanted to (with binoculars, of course!)

I really want to work out tonight, but I’m not sure if I’m going to have time to fit it in. I won’t have time to go before my massage, but I will have time to go after. The question is, am I really going to feel like working out after I have a massage? I’m not sure. I could either come out of there feeling really invigorated or really relaxed, so there’s no telling. In any event, if I *do* feel like working out afterwards, the gym is on my way home.

I have some things I need to get accomplished soon:

Look on eBay and find a phone for Little Diva since she lost hers. Right now she is using SS’s old phone.

Get reprints of the professional photos taken on the cruise. I love the casual one of Rebel Girl lying on the pillow with her bare feet up and I want to get a bunch of 4 x 6 to stick in her graduation announcements. I also need to get some extra copies for scrapbooking and for my Mom. Additionally, I must get the pictures that I took printed out at Walgreens. I have uploaded most of them to their site (which takes so darn long - it’s frustrating) so I have to go choose the ones I want and have them printed. I have scrapbooking plans for these, too.

The sun has been out for TWO WHOLE DAYS now. Glorious

Here’s an update on my exciting weekend:

Yesterday - slept until 1:00 p.m. How in the hell did that happen?! I had the alarm set for 10:00 a.m. I really did! Hubby and I went and worked out in the early afternoon, then came home, I took a quick shower and took Little Diva to her friend’s house. I then went to Valvoline and got the FASTEST oil change I have ever had. I think from the time I pulled in the bay until the time I pulled out, it was a total of seven minutes! And I got absolutely no bullshit from them - you know the crap - “Ma’am, it’s recommended that you have your transmission (or whatever) flushed at such-and-such miles. Do you want me to go ahead and do that for you today?” They try to nickel and dime you to death. I always respond by saying that I have to ask my husband. Works every time!

Last night Hubby and I went to Outback - yummers - and then went to see “Horton Hears A Who” - cute movie. While we were at the mall, I also talked Hubby into going into the scrapbook store, which isn’t one of his favorites. I found some really cute Graduation stickers for Rebel Girl’s graduation scrapbook page. I also found a cute pack of paper and a cat scrapbook which were both 25% off. After that, came home and changed into my comfies and finished reading the rest of one of my books - Whispers by Belva Plain. I’m almost finished now reading my pile of “half-read” books, which is good because I got four new (to me) books in the mail yesterday from my PaperBackSwap peeps that I can’t wait to dive into. I love reading and I know some people absolutely hate it. I wonder what makes people hate reading? I can’t imagine my life without it.

The Cardinals won again yesterday - GO CARDS!

Today - I’m picking up Little Diva in about a half-hour and we’re going to get our nails done. I’m getting a fill and she’s getting a manicure. She is blessed with the best nails - she has beautiful long nail beds (unlike me) and her natural nails are really strong and pretty (unlike mine). My problem is that when I don’t have acrylic nails, I bite my natural nails - yeah, I know, terrible habit - and it makes them look like crap. After that, who knows. I need to finish laundry and vacuum and the bathrooms really need to be cleaned and the trash collected. I also want to try to work out today at some point.

Ok, must get off my butt at this point and get ready to pick up LD and get the ball rolling on my day.

So that’s how my weekend is going. How about you? What are you doing?

(P.S. - I also got a REALLY NICE surprise in the mail yesterday - My BFF Celena sent me the cutest homemade card. Why did she send it? Just because. My favorite reason. Thanks Celena!!!

I totally stole this Meme from No Minivan. Feel free to join along on your own blog if you want to.

Here’s the game:
- Go to Flickr
- Type your answer into the “search” box.
- Pick an image from the first page.
- Copy and paste answer into blog

My name is:

My relationship status is:

My favorite color is:

My celebrity crush is:

My favorite princess is:

My favorite adult beverage is:

My dream vacation is:

When I grow up I want to be: